If I Was A Young Zombie

If I was a young zombie

In a boring, normal city

I would have to walk to school

For nobody would find it cool

To sit in a bus with me

If I was a young zombie

No kids would be friends with me

Alone I’d sit, alone I’d play

They’d hate me at night. They’d hate me all day

It would feel so terrible and lonely

If I was a young zombie

Unlike the ones they show on T.V.

I’d be nice to one and all

Humans, big or small

Even though I’d go hungry

If I was a young zombie

They’d call me ‘Green Belly’

They’d laugh and talk

About how I eat and walk

I’d go crying to my family

If I was a young zombie

I’d be mad and unhappy

I’d swap my dollars and cash

For a little meat and flesh

Then I’d be glad and happy

If I was a young zombie

​If I Was A Hungry Cat

If I was a hungry cat. Furry, fluffy and fat

I’ll eat some mice. It’ll feel so nice

I’ll have some fish to my heart’s wish

Still feel empty after that, if I was a hungry cat

I’ll bite John’s shoe, Anne’s book I’ll chew

Gulp a horseshoe, then lick some glue

Still feel empty after that, if I was a hungry cat

Then I’ll eat some wood. It’ll taste so good

Some pebbles and stones to harden my bones

Grow quite big after that, if I was a hungry cat

Then I’ll try tables and chairs, happy couples and pairs

Buses and trains, cars and cranes

Grow quite big after that, but my hunger won’t go yet

Have parks for lunch, factories facing crunch

Some rivers I’d drink and even some seas, i think

Grow into a giant cat if I was hungry like that

I’ll eat mountains and hills, tax returns and bills

And get my paws all over the crazy laws

Empty Earth after that if I was a hungry cat

My hunger won’t be done so I’ll eat Moon and Sun

And then erase whatever’s left in space

Float like a space jet if I was a hungry cat

And when everything else fails

I’ll eat my own tail

Bite my own head off

Wait, I wouldn’t do that

No, no, no

I wouldn’t do that if I was a hungry cat

​If I Was A Chameleon

If I was a chameleon

It would be so much fun

Into a hundred colours I’d turn

If I was a chameleon

I’d turn golden with the burning sun

My tail, my legs, my abdomen

If I was a chameleon

I’d be blue when you see me crawl

All over the fancy, big, blue wall

Or I’d be white on a baseball

Or orange on a basketball

I’d be green in a casino

Or when I’m laying in a meadow

I’d be grey in hair of May

A purple mess in Jane’s dress

A scarlet red in Emma’s bed

A bright yellow and a brighter pink

Now and then, or so I think

But my truest colours I would show

When I’m sliding down a rainbow

And when all is said and all is done

I’d turn black when the night’s begun

You see, it would be so much fun

If I was a chameleon

​If I Was A Magnet

If I was a magnet

All the girls would come flocking to me

Like I’m some celebrity

Stalk and encroach my private life

Propose and fight to be my wife

If I was a magnet

All the girls would scream and shout

When they see me stepping out

Chase me down in their high heels

With their ferocious howls and squeals

If I was a magnet

Girls would keep attracting to me

Even if I hide on top of a tree

They’ll smell me and lose control

Even if I’m hiding inside a hole

If I was a magnet

All girls, sweet and pretty

Will have their fingerprints all over me

Act crazy, wild, insane and mad

All the guys will feel so sad

If I was a magnet

All the girls would stick to me

Like I’m honey and they’re bees

But I can’t even attract an iron nail yet

I ain’t even sweet as chocolate

Or mighty rich or fortunate

So I guess I might as well forget

To be a magnet

​If I Was A Weirdo

If I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

They’ll search for me

Wherever I may be

From Bombay to Bordeaux

If I was a weirdo

If I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

They’ll hunt me down

In some small town

While I’m having cappuccino

If I was a weirdo

If I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

They’ll tie me in chains

Cut open my brains

Like I’m Galileo

If I was a weirdo

If I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

They’ll lock me in a prison

Try to find a reason

Why I turned out so

If I was a weirdo

If I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

They’ll declare me fat

A national threat

Bury me next to Michelangelo

If I was a weirdo

If I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

I’ll come out of my grave

Some folks, I’ll save

Become a redeemed hero

If I was a weirdo

Well, I was a weirdo

A nerdo and a geeko

But it was a long time ago

Am I still a weirdo?

I don’t know