Let Me Be Drowned

I have but one wish for now

Take my soul if you must

For a while I’d lie down

And watch the clouds go burst

Let it pour till I’m drenched

In the unforgiving rain

Fill up all my scars

The hurt and the pain

Then let me be drowned

I will not move from here

Until my eyes close forever

And my body disappear

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47 thoughts on “Let Me Be Drowned

  1. I’m not sure why, it reminded me of this place one of my friends told me to go, since baptists aren’t comfortable with the supernatural and prophetic, I think it was called bluewater mission. Thanks for writing this, i felt God directing me where to go next (: take care, blogger Frank โค๏ธ

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      1. I once went to this once church, i helped out where I could, i used to be high brass section leader in high school, so i was interested in the youth, the youth director there told me i was not accepted and could not participate ‘until further notice’ she treated me very rudely. As if she knew me. God is very upset. At that lady. But I actually never knew why she had banned me in the first place. She was only just rude to me. I did not feel welcome in that place. The decision has been made. They will never see God’s face. Because God has heard me pray. They should have been nicer and more loving ๐Ÿ˜”

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        1. I went to this one weird church! Lol when I write of them, I will write the truth. That they had been weird, and acted quite rude. But I believe I have done, all that was asked of me to do. I say things like they will never see God’s face, while in secret, mercy for them do I pray. That is how, they do not know me. My love, is personal, it is from me. But only God alone can say where they would be going. I just didn’t like the way they had treated me. With me, they been toying. As if I was evil, or wanted some despicable thing. While only asked, the truth, of them. And if I had, known those names in the first place. They would still be asked why one day. I prayed to God they watch my life, and make them feel everything. With their own will power, to make them feel. See if they would survive, live, and thrive, after such a great ordeal. Surely they did not even know, how true love is, how real. But now, what is right, is what I will do, as I feel. To know, personally, God is real. And that, faith is something, that makes things, become real. When my ex left me, God had named me, I heard Him say, Israel. But as if I believe any other name, than the name my parents gave. Kalyn will always be Kalyn. No matter where she goes. But she is no girl, but a strange woman, they come to know. I do not wish. To be a bride though. Always to point others to God, Jesus, and Love, is what I hope to do. I do not think, it was wrong to love, either of you. Turn from your own ways, do not care or think about me. As God is sending me, on my way. I have been told, I walked through Egypt this day. And outstretched arm, God had guided me. Into the wilderness. To another place. To fear God is good, there is no other way. As after this life, only it is He I believe, where you go or where you stay. But God is one, who calls and knows, and judges you, according to your name. The enemy is the one who is evil, and confusing. I have been tormented. Drowned by him so personally, in the battle of online bloggers, no one will ever know of or see. But it was when I came across the two blogs, that strange things started happening. And God had said, He had a lasting covenant with me. As He had been pleased with me, when my ex left me. He gave me a gift, the sight of He, and I only tried my best, to make sense of what was happening, to me. As would anybody. But I do not wish to ever be married. I like to be alone, with God, praying and reading, doing nothing. But soon, when they call again, I will be truthful in writing. That these weird things, had happened to me. Even if they would think I’m crazy. Maybe it is, they would believe me. It was a story, given me, of how far God’s grace might go. That even someone like the antichrist, Jesus, he would know. Haha but I’m not Jesus! I’m Kalyn :0 so obviously too. Nothing. No one. Only by my own name, do I go. It was the Spirit of Jesus, I feel, who had sent me to him though. To him, true love, innocent sweet love, to him shown. I have forgiven, as he had never known. How much God had loved me, so. Always I like to share with others, the loving God I know. The God who picked me up, when my ex left, and made me so brightly smile. For that church I felt I ran thousand miles though, for them, love, to be known. I gave back to my friends, the things they had given. I appreciated it, but did not care about those things. I cared about them. So much I wanted, them to stay. As I did, return the worldly things, when Chris had left me. Compared to God, love, eternal gifts and things, those trinkets and things, meant absolutely nothing to me. For them, who have been good to me, and even those who had not been, only in secret, do I pray for their mercy. Anyone would want to know the truth of something, which makes them question, and doubt, their own sanity. I have felt them question, what God thinks of me. Like the enemy. Telling me to die, the lies I’ve heard inside, saying I am not pretty, worthy, or redeemed by Jesus, one day, in God’s sight. To me, those are lies. I am a sinner. I will try and fail, all my life. Who but God alone, is Holy, righteous, and the Judge of all? I am not without sin, as Jesus was. But when Chris had left me, followed I did, all the laws. The importance, of love. There is one God, and there is nothing above. For me, I hoped to find a man someday, with nothing above. As my ex had told me, love was not enough. But surely, God is love. And love is God. Surely, God is enough. And surely, love, is enough. I really loved. Him. But God is a jealous God. I believe personally, He allowed things, as He did. That I would drop so low, to see if I would still live. Always God has allowed, things, like this. Painful things. But I have not thought to strangle myself, to stab myself, to kill myself, and die. Ever since I lived for God. And I met two bloggers, to give me an interesting story, beautiful and marvelous wings, I feel, to help me change my life. When the publishers call again, the truth, i will and write. God alone, could ever help me, live this life. But for the record, I value myself, and I would not be, just any random dudes wife. Only a firm believer. Who loves God. More than me. That was the hope I had, someone like that, to meet. But a wife, I never want to be. My children, will be God’s Children. They will love God, and have none other person or thing, before Him. They will follow the Ten Commandments, and they will know the life, death, and resurrection, of His only Son, Jesus. Only by faith, will the disciples I make, ever believe, in this. And they would share what they learned, from generation to generation. To have knowledge and wisdom, is nothing, without the true heart, of faith and love. To follow Jesus life, to be a servant, even while in position to lead, to remain nothing, lowly, is good to God, indeed. I only write, as I am feeling. My testimony, life, has much good meaning. But love is not something, I want, or have needed. Weeds and seeds are planted, but both will grow together, one day to be separated. If I can share one thing with you, it is to fear God, and love Him, more than anyone, or anything. And to know, His Son. Emulating Him, how He had loved, is the best example of good living, to me. Love. Many people are different. They have different places of being, different experiences, different levels of feeling, and varying personalities. But to be INFJ to me, has been, a struggle, and journey. I feel, as others are feeling. I feel their fear. I feel their tears. I feel, their pain. It is a gift, given me. To feel so deeply. Consider this simple truth, while judging me. To know of my life, and things God allowed for me. If I can feel, so deeply, how much all my life, has hurt me. Do think of each person, as unique. Do not force them, to be what you think, they should be. But only love them, so fiercely. That they, would find new hope, new strength, to smile again, brightly. In their own ability and power, in themselves, to believe. Loving someone, so hard to love, will never have been wrong, to me. But he, and that church, could never love me. And that was why, God had sent me. Always it is good, to do some reflecting. Inwardly. To whom you are living, and breathing. I share only as a friend, who had known much pain, and who loves, deeply. But the door slam, to be friends with me, is not as forgiving. Too much, pain, they have hurt me. But always in secret, i have only prayed for them, mercy. Because that is what I always pray, for God to give, to me. Me, they will never again, see. But blessed they will be, for knowing, and coming across, me. Haha but I still doubt it was good of them, to hurt me ๐Ÿ˜Œ

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  2. I only just learned a new word……. pluviophile (Collins dictionary: a lover of rain;someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days). I am a pluviophile. When I am in deep funk, I love to be enclosed in the rain. Are you ok?

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